After the Goose is Cooked
by jylener22
Summary: It's the Christmas holidays and so, naturally, Ichigo and Orihime Kurosaki are going to have guests come over to celebrate...and one has to know that when certain people get together, nothing goes quite according to plan. Doesn't mean that they can't have fun along the way, though! :)


**Pre-Author's Note:**

Just an fyi to any readers who like to have the stories they read be completely accurate to the culture the story is supposed to portray, this story will contain Christmas caroling which is not something customarily done in Japan. So for those of you who don't enjoy 'inaccurate' stories, you might want to go and find something else to read.

Also, just quickly in response to that one anonymous reviewer for 'How Does One Know When the Goose is Cooked', no, I am not an idiot. I do happen to know that Thanksgiving is not a Japanese holiday. Also, no, I could not have substituted Christmas or New Years as the holiday because in case you didn't notice, the entire plotline centered around Orihime preparing the food and feeling guilty about it not being good. While people do eat during the Christmas and New Years holidays, unlike Thanksgiving, the focus is not on the food that is being eaten, which was kind of the whole crux of my story. Within the boundaries of fiction and even though I am using characters from a Japanese anime/manga, I think I can use a little artistic license in the whole having a Thanksgiving celebration and allowing the characters to go Christmas caroling. If you don't agree, then that's perfectly fine, but I'm just letting you know ahead of time what I plan to do in this story.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the story!

After the Goose is Cooked

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…Jack Frost nipping at your nose…Yuletide carols being sung by a choir…and folks dressed up like eskimos…"

Ichigo couldn't help but grin in the doorway of the living room as he saw his energetic wife swaying slowly to the smooth vocals of Nat King Cole singing his iconic Christmas classic. Orihime was dusting, polishing and getting ready to vacuum the living room. As she cleaned Ichigo could hear her singing in a low, rather husky voice along with 'Mr. Dulcet Tones'. In his opinion, Ichigo would be rather hard pressed to say which singer had the more soothing voice to his ears.

However, what really tipped the scales in Orihime's favor was the fact that while Nat King Cole was singing the same song in many homes throughout the world, he himself would be the only person alive allowed to hear Nat sing a duet with Ichigo's beautiful wife. Also, Ichigo could sneak up behind said wife and wrap his arms around her waist…something he would never dream of doing with Nat King Cole…even if the man had been alive.

Orihime had not noticed her husband standing in the doorway and so continued to clean and sing, "Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe..."

It was at this point in the song when Ichigo walked up behind his wife, wrapped his arms around her waist and said in a low whisper, "A turkey does sound delicious right now, but it is more of a tragedy that we don't have any mistletoe."

Orihime had jumped and gasped softly the moment Ichigo had touched her, but she quickly relaxed when she realized who it was and without turning around she asked, "And why exactly is not having mistletoe such a devastating occurrence?"

Leaning around Orihime's shoulder so that he could look at her with a mock surprised and slightly hurt expression, Ichigo replied, "Why didn't you hear what Mr. Cole said? The mistletoe would help to make the season bright! Also, I can't do this," lowering his head, Ichigo kissed Orihime's cheek before saying, "without using mistletoe."

Trying not to smile, Orihime asked in a voice straining not to laugh, "I'm not sure I understood you. What exactly can't you do without mistletoe?"

Ichigo did a slightly better job of keeping his facial features and voice under control as he said, "I said that I can't do this," this time he kissed her on the nose, "without having some mistletoe hanging over us."

Orihime wrinkled her nose and looked somewhat thoughtful as she said, "Your response was different this time, so I need you to try once more to tell me exactly what you mean. I still don't quite understand what yo-"

Her words were cut off when Ichigo suddenly swooped down and hit a bulls-eye. Orihime gave a little sigh and turned her body so that she could wrap her arms around Ichigo's neck and deepen the kiss. Ichigo made a kind of sigh as well (all though he would never admit, even under threat and pain of death, to doing such a thing) as he responded in kind.

Finally, Orihime was able to pull herself away and say briskly, "Now that you're home Ichigo, if you wouldn't mind taking a few boxes down to the basement so they're out of the way, I can finish cleaning before the guests arrive."

This speech was frequently interrupted as Ichigo kept kissing Orihime's face from her cheek to her forehead to her mouth again and so on.

As soon as Orihime managed to get the word 'guest' out, Ichigo leaned back and scowled at Orihime and said, "I'm not in the mood for company tonight."

Giving Ichigo a rather hard look of her own, Orihime replied, "Well, there's nothing I can do about that now, is there? This party has been on the schedule for weeks so it's too late to back out now."

Ichigo shrugged and said, "We'll just call everyone and say that you caught a really bad virus and are so contagious that anyone who comes within a 20 foot radius of the house will catch it."

Quirking a skeptical brow at her husband, Orihime asked slowly, "And the fact that you are at home with me with this supposedly highly contagious virus and are not the least bit sick is most definitely going to convince everyone, is it?"

Shrugging again, Ichigo said, "I'll start coughing and hacking to show that we are. I could even pretend to throw up a little if you think it would make it more convincing."

Stepping back out of her husband's arms, Orihime crossed her own and said in a stern voice, "Ichigo Kurosaki. We are going to be entertaining guests in less than an hour. You even go near that phone and you might not like what happens next."

Crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes, Ichigo asked, "And just what do you have in mind?"

Orihime paused for a moment before a grin began to spread across her face and she said slowly, "If you try and call anyone in order to tell them not to come to this party, then I'll call your father up and tell him…"

When Orihime didn't finish, but let the sentence hang in the air, Ichigo's arms unclenched slightly and he became quite apprehensive as he asked hesitantly, "What will you tell my dad?"

Raising her chin, Orihime said slowly and triumphantly, "I'll tell your father about what happened to your father's enormous poster of your moth-"

At Orihime's words, Ichigo's eyes widened in horror and he cut her off yelling, "Who told you about that?! It wasn't my fault, I swear! It was a stupid dare Ren…wait a minute! Renji told you didn't he?! Didn't he?! When I get my hands on the spiky-haired, tattooed baboon he'll wish he were dead! Again!"

Always having been a highly impulsive individual and someone who almost always kept his promises/vows (or at least would nearly die trying), Ichigo immediately began stalking towards the front door with only the thought of beating the unsuspecting Renji Abarai into a senseless heap of flesh and many pulverized bones. Just a moment before, Orihime had been ready to begin giggling at her husband's furious expression, but now she realized that this was no laughing matter and just as quickly sprinted around Ichigo and blocked the front door.

Eyes blazing, Ichigo ground out, "Move Orihime."

Thinking that maybe she could try reasoning with her enraged spouse, Orihime said in a calm tone, "Ichigo, be reasonable."

Trying to reach for the doorknob, Ichigo stated flatly, "Once I've taken care of Renji and his big mouth, then I'll be reasonable."

Knowing that reasoning was no longer an option, Orihime slapped Ichigo's hands away from the doorknob and said in a steely tone, "You will do no such thing, Ichigo Kurosaki."

Before Ichigo could say anything, Orihime went on, "I actually heard about that story having to do with your mother's poster from Karin. She thought it was highly amusing especially when she saw your father's reaction."

All Ichigo could manage to say was, "Oh," before Orihime pointed to the living room and said, "Now that we've got that straightened out, I still have cleaning to do and if you don't wish to help me that's perfectly fine, but then stay out of my way so that I can finish up before our guests arrive."

Opening and shutting his mouth in surprise for a few moments, despite the fact that he was a good bit taller, bigger and stronger than his wife, Ichigo seemed to deflate in size slightly as he buckled under Orihime's steely gaze which was enhanced by the silver-gray color of her eyes. The next moment, Ichigo started off in the direction of the living room and picked up a dusting rag as he walked past and meekly began to do his part in cleaning up the house.

Husband and wife worked in silence for quite some time before Orihime eventually looked around them and said in a satisfied tone, "Well, that looks much better."

Ichigo's only response was to grunt in a rather disinterested and rather morose manner, which made Orihime's sensitive heart clench slightly in regret for her rather harsh words earlier.

Walking over to stand in front of him, Orihime said softly to Ichigo, "Thank you for your help Ichigo."

Another grunt and the next moment Orihime stepped forward to wrap her arms around Ichigo's torso and say, "I love you," to which Ichigo responded by pulling Orihime closer to himself.

Looking up and giving her husband a loving and grateful smile, Orihime disentangled her arms in order to encircle them around Ichigo's neck which she then used to gently pull him down so that she could kiss him. It only took him a moment to figure out what she was doing and a slow grin spread across his face as he allowed himself to be pulled down to her level.

As luck would have it, however, a fraction of a moment before their lips touched, the couple's moment was interrupted by a sharp knock on the front door which was then quickly followed by the doorbell being rung. Then, in order to make absolutely sure that Ichigo and Orihime knew that someone was at the front door, the couple heard a boisterous voice call out "Hello lovebirds!"

Ichigo half moaned, half growled in frustration and annoyance at the sudden, albeit unwitting, intrusion just as he was about to kiss his wife. He began to step away from Orihime, when he suddenly felt her arms pull more forcefully on his neck in order to draw him back to her. The next moment, Orihime gave Ichigo a long, sweet and adoring kiss to which Ichigo responded in kind with enthusiasm.

Rather reluctantly, Orihime pulled away a few moments later, dropped her arms from around Ichigo's neck, took his hand and gently pulled him along behind her as she said, "Now, let's go greet our guests."

Immediately Ichigo realized exactly what Orihime had done just then and he had to hand it to her, she really knew how to deal with him. No matter what kind of mood he was in, Orihime always seemed to know exactly how to act and react around him and slowly improve even his most towering furies in an almost effortless manner. Just now, he had been ready to rip the head off of whoever had been at the door for interrupting his moment with Orihime, but because she had pulled him back and given exactly what he had been denied the moment before he was now willingly (if somewhat grudgingly) following his wife to greet their first guests.

Their first guests turned out to be Rangiku, Toshiro, Karin and Yuzu (Isshin, unfortunately for him but not for anyone else, was out of town on a business trip that somehow involved Urahara and all the Vizards). Hugs, greetings, handshakes and pleasantries were exchanged in the front room before Orihime urged her guests to migrate into the living room where they could all be more comfortable. She took everyone's coats and insisted that she would hang them all up without anyone's help after which she would go into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on the hors d'oeuvres before bringing them out for everyone to enjoy.

As she made her way back to the living room bearing the tray of snacks, there was another knock at the door which she opened to let in Chad, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Chizuru, Renji and Rukia. Once she was able to safely deposit her tray in the living room, Orihime was then free to hug her friends in turn and once again insist on hanging up their coats.

The group passed a half an hour in the living room chatting amicably together before Keigo called out to the room at large, "Hey! I know of something fun we could do! Why don't we go caroling?"

Everyone exchanged glances with each other before finally Orihime broke the silence saying cheerfully, "That does sound like fun, Keigo. I've never gone caroling, but I've always wanted to."

For his part, Ichigo was pretty sure that at least he, Tatsuki and maybe the other guys were of the same mind in that they had been about ready to refuse Keigo's idea, but the moment Orihime had exclaimed that she had always wanted to try caroling…well, Ichigo (since he had started dating Orihime, that is) and Tatsuki had never really been able to deny the young woman anything. Besides, she asked for very little most of the time, so whenever the opportunity arose for them to give her something that she really wanted, Ichigo and Tatsuki both felt that no expense was too high to make Orihime happy.

Shrugging his shoulders, Ichigo said, "I guess it might be interesting if everyone else wants to go."

Only Karin turned to Toshiro and said softly, "If nothing else, it might be amusing to see how well Keigo can carry a tune on his own and if we can possibly ditch him somewhere," to which Toshiro replied by returning her wry smirk.

Less than five minutes later the entire group was outside wandering the neighborhood streets and chatting easily amongst themselves. Eventually, they all came to a stop in front of several houses and began looking at each other, trying to figure out what to do next.

Tatsuki looked at Keigo and asked, "Ok, we're in front of a house, so what do we do now?"

Swallowing and trying to smile, Keigo said, "Umm…I'm not sure…"

Gritting her teeth, Tatsuki ground out, "This was all your idea, Keigo."

Throwing up his hands, Keigo said defensively, "Hey! I'm just the guy who throws out ideas in order to get the party going, that doesn't mean I actually have an idea of how it's supposed to work."

Before Tatsuki could say anything else, Uryu adjusted his glasses and said, "It seems to me that the most obvious next step would be to select which carol we wish to sing."

Chizuru called out, "Why don't we sing 'All I Want for Christmas is You'?"

Tatsuki crossed her arms and said flatly, "Usually carolers choose songs that everyone knows and can actually sing."

Crossing her own arms, Chizuru shot back, "I was just giving a suggestion. No one else was coming up with any ideas."

Rukia spoke up saying, "I like the song 'O Holy Night' and it's a very popular song over here. Just about every recording artist has such some rendition of it."

Karin shook her head emphatically and said, "If you want the neighbors to call the cops on us, then please, by all means sing that song. However, I'm not really interested in being tossed into the slammer tonight."

Yuzu looked at her twin in confusion and asked, "Why would we be arrested? We only want to go caroling."

Giving her sister a pointed look, Karin answered, "We'd be thrown in jail because we would be 'disturbing the peace' with our horrible singing. I don't think anyone here can sing high enough in order to make the melody sound really good. 'O Holy Night' is one of the most difficult Christmas carols to sing right because it has so many high notes and huge leaps. If we sang that, we'd sound like a band of alley cats screeching and yowling at the moon."

Eyes flashing, Rukia glared at Karin and asked, "Why don't you come up with a song we could sing then?"

Putting a hand on Rukia's shoulder, Renji said soothingly, "You like 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town'. Everyone could sing that one."

Rukia looked up at Renji with a grateful expression, but it quickly turned into another stormy frown when she heard Ichigo snort with laughter and she said in a low voice, "And what exactly is wrong with that song?"

Looking completely unperturbed at Rukia's death stare, Ichigo said derisively, "It's a fine song, but it's just one step above 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' or 'All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth'."

Stomping over to where Ichigo stood, Rukia declared, "Those are wonderful songs! Don't you dare make fun of them!"

Staring down his nose at Rukia, Ichigo retorted, "I'll make fun of any songs I want! I'm not saying the songs are total garbage, but they are more for little kids. You're over two hundred years old!"

Stiffening her limbs, Rukia shot back, "Age is just a number! You're never too old to sing good, wholesome songs!"

Mizuiro interjected calmly, "Does everyone know 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'?"

Immediately jumping on the chance to stop everyone's bickering, Orihime clapped her hands and said excitedly, "That sounds like a great choice! Let's sing that one!"

Everyone else looked at one another, shrugged and then walked a little closer to the house so that the occupants of the house would have a better chance of hearing them.

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree…"

They all began singing together at the same time, but as they kept singing through the verses different people started becoming a little more adventurous with the harmonies. Chad was the first to switch from the melody to singing a very mellow bass line to make sure everyone else stayed in tune. Then Orihime began improvising a lovely alto part that harmonized well with the others. Renji and Ichigo both had decent baritone voices and they somehow managed to work together to come up with yet another part so that the group was singing in four-part harmony.

It took about until they began singing about 'four calling birds' before people walking down the street stopped to listen and the occupants of the houses came out to see what was going on. However, a crowd of people was quickly gathering around the group of young people and the crowd seemed to be enjoying the show immensely.

Then the group got to the ninth day of Christmas and things got a little…interesting.

"On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…"

Half the group sang, "Nine ladies dancing…" while the other half sang at the same time, "Nine lords a leaping…" and both groups looked at each other in confusion, but somehow managed to keep going.

The next verse, it was the reverse where the one group sang about, "Ten ladies dancing…" while the other part of the group sang, "Ten drummers drumming…" and yet still they kept going.

Both groups looked at one another in apprehension as they sang about the eleventh day of Christmas where one group sang, "Eleven pipers piping…" and the other group sang, "Eleven pipers piping…" and they both sighed inwardly in relief that they managed to work that one out even though the two groups still sang different things on the tenth and ninth days of Christmas.

On the final verse, once again the groups were divided between singing about, "Twelve lords a leaping…" and "Twelve drummers drumming…" but they managed to make it through the song and finish together.

The audience had chuckled when the ensemble had sung the lyrics in a different order from one another, but at the conclusion of the song the audience applauded appreciatively and called for another song. The group looked at one another, held a brief, whispered conference before they began singing 'Jingle Bells'.

The first verse went perfectly as did the second where they sang about 'dashing through the snow' and 'laughing all the way', but as soon as they went back to the first melody and idea popped into Keigo's head and he decided to throw caution to the wind and try it out.

As everyone else began singing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells…" Keigo belted out his own rendition that said, "Jingle bells, Renji smells, Tatsuki's dating Chad!"

The moment both Renji and Tatsuki heard what Keigo had said, they stopped singing in astonishment. They weren't the only ones and that left only Keigo singing his rendition at the top of his lungs.

"Toshiro has got a crush and Mizuiro's lost his phone! Hey!"

Normally, the 'Hey' would indicate the end of the song, but in Keigo's case, he said it because suddenly he felt two stronger men grab his arms and start dragging him away from the rest of the group and through the crowd of people. The audience was laughing as they watched Keigo struggling to get away from Renji and Tatsuki while also being followed closely by Toshiro and Karin.

Orihime bowed to the audience hastily and said, "Thank you for listening! We hope you enjoyed our singing and that you have a wonderful and merry Christmas!"

Then she and the rest of the group excused themselves in order to follow after their quickly departing friends.

After dragging the protesting Keigo down a few blocks, Tatsuki and Renji finally stopped and the two of them said together, "What is the matter with you?!"

Keigo tried to look innocent as he asked, "What do you mean?"

Toshiro and Karin spoke next, saying together, "You know exactly what we mean!"

Then all four said, "Why would you sing about those things?! Are you an idiot?!"

Yuzu and Orihime both rushed forward saying together, "I'm sure he didn't mean it!"

Rangiku, Rukia and Chizuru looked at each other before turning to Yuzu and Orihime and saying in unison, "I doubt it."

Turning to Ichigo, Uryu, Mizuiro and Chad, Orihime and Yuzu said pleadingly, "Do something!"

Ichigo and Chad looked at the struggling Keigo and the group surrounding him before looking back at the two young women and asking, "Do what?"

Uryu and Mizuiro then said together, "It's not like he couldn't have seen this coming. He kind of deserves what's coming to him."

Then Chizuru looked around and asked, "Uh, guys…where are we?"

At her words, everyone looked around and saw that in their towering rage, Tatsuki, Renji, Toshiro and Karin had led them into a rather unfamiliar part of town.

Throwing up her hands, Tatsuki said in an exasperated tone, "That's just great! First, Keigo sings those stupid lyrics and then we get lost because we were so mad at him we weren't paying attention to where we were going. Wonderful!"

Rising to the occasion, Orihime said enthusiastically, "Well, all we have to do is either find a policeman and ask him for directions or just ask someone on the street."

However, that was easier said than done as there was no one around for them to ask directions from.

Finally, Ichigo just started walking. As he walked past Orihime, Ichigo reached down to take her hand and start leading her along behind him.

Karin called to her brother, "Where are you going?"

Calling over his shoulder, Ichigo responded, "Well, we're not going to get anywhere by just standing around. Might as well get moving and see what happens."

The rest of the group followed along after Ichigo and for a time, no one said anything. Then somehow, Ichigo managed to locate a few familiar streets so that in less than a half hour, they had arrived back at Ichigo and Orihime's home.

They all stood outside and looked at each other before finally Mizuiro said drolly, "Well, that was certainly a memorable experience."

Uryu suppressed a small smile as he adjusted his glasses and said, "That would be putting it mildly, but I have to agree with you for the most part."

Letting out a long yawn, Rangiku said as she stretched, "Well, time for us to head home Captain. Beautiful women like me have to make sure we get a good amount of beauty sleep."

Rolling his eyes, Toshiro said, "With all the naps you take while you're supposed to be doing paperwork, I'm surprised that your looks haven't improved dramatically after all these years."

Before Rangiku could say anything, Karin stepped forward and said to Toshiro, "It was good to see you again. Let me know if you're ever in the neighborhood again and I'll show you around town."

Nodding, Toshiro said, "That might be interesting."

Rukia stepped forward to give Orihime a hug and said, "Thank you so much for having us over. It was so much fun."

Returning the hug, Orihime said, "It's always such a pleasure to see you Rukia. Come back again real soon."

Stepping back and giving Renji and knowing look, Rukia said, "Well, soon you two will be getting an invitation to come over to Soul Society."

Clapping her hands, Orihime said excitedly, "That's right! You're getting married! Have you set a date yet?"

Renji nodded and said, "April 16."

For a few more minutes the women chatted about the wedding plans while the men exchanged a few comments together about different things before the group finally broke up and said their final goodbyes.

When they had finally finished taking care of the dishes and turning off the lights in the house, Orihime turned to Ichigo as they got ready for bed and asked, "Ichigo, have I ever told you just how blessed we are?"

Ichigo paused and looked up from pulling off his socks as he said, "I don't think so. What makes you say that?"

Sitting down at her nightstand that had a mirror so that she could brush out her hair, Orihime said, "Well we are. We have friends who are kind, loyal and have always been there to help whenever we needed them. We both have decent jobs that we enjoy most of the time. Your family has been so kind and accepting to me even before we got married."

While Orihime had been talking, Ichigo had gotten up from the bed and walked up behind Orihime and said, "I guess you have a point there. We have been blessed in many ways."

Bending over to kiss her neck, Ichigo said, "However, for me, the biggest blessing I can think of is…I wonder if you can even guess what it is?"

Turning and wrapping her arms around Ichigo's neck, Orihime said with a soft laugh, "I'm guessing it's the same as mine."

Grinning, Ichigo had an idea and began to sing, "I don't want a lot for Christmas…"

Returning Ichigo's grin, Orihime continued, "There is just one thing I need…"

Ichigo went next, "I don't care about the presents…"

"Underneath the Christmas tree…"

"I just want you for my own…"

"More than you could ever know…"

"Make my wish come true…"

"All I want for Christmas…"

Together they sang, "Is you…"

And then they kissed.

**Author's Note:**

This is the one-shot prize story SkyTrains requested for winning second place in our 'Fall Contest' over at the Orihime the Great group on deviantart. While the story kind of takes place after 'How Does One Know When the Goose is Cooked', you don't have to read both stories in order to figure out what is going on.

Some of the parts were rather cheesy, but I did have fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed it!


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